(Hilary Valdez)
Each person needs emotional fulfillment. But in a relationship, each couple needs to find a balance between individual and family life, between self-interest and family interests and between business and pleasure. The best way to achieve this is through effective communication including clear sending and clear receiving. What’s it like to live with you? Your ability to express yourself is the best way to start; being your true self. Emotional leadership begins by understanding yourself and valuing your individuality. Kinda like, “I’m okay, you’re okay.” Then talking about day-to-day problems and resolve them one at a time. This is where emotional leadership comes into play. If you bring out what is in you, what you bring out will save you.
There are limits to everything in life. Recognize and accept your mate’s limit and respect them. Be careful with your demands. Emotional leadership is knowing what effect you have on people and your partner. What do you sound like? How do people perceive you? Being abusive is easy. What verbiage comes out of your mouth? Garbage or gold? All relationships require patience at work or at home. As a child what did your parents teach you? Is it time to review values from decades ago. What qualities are important to you as a woman or a man? Selfishness keeps a person blind through life.
If you are arguing, strive for reason, resolution and truth. Life has no end of difficulties. Don’t keep a lid on conflict. Let issues be know. Resolve problems, don’t create them. Talk to express, not to impress. Keep contributions brief and clear. Don’t present too much information at once. It can lead to a stress and informational overload. Cooperate. Evaluate outcomes and don’t jump to conclusions. What are you thinking?
Men need to be aware of altitudinal shifts in their communication style with women. The old symbols of manliness don’t fit the new millennium. Some men think that to be masculine, they have to be radically different from women. This thinking creates a communication model of superior-subordinate and produces a masculine certifying atmosphere and makes men hostile to accepting women as colleagues. Each person needs to be aware of their fundamental drives. You are as your think. Have the courage to scrape off old ‘psychological barnacles’ accumulated in the sea of life. Be honest with your shortcomings and modify old self-defeating habits and patterns. Respect what you want and need and what you have to offer. Take responsibility for what you want and need. Remember, anti-social behaviors work against a guy, especially in a divorce or child custody case.
Emotional leadership is about improving your internal life and seeing people as value. Examine your beliefs. How you behave depends on your beliefs. Your beliefs determines your basic truths about the world. The meaning we attribute to life will determine our behavior. Your beliefs give you a plan and a guide to lead your life. The problem here is that if your beliefs are rigid, inaccurate, or outdated, they may hurt you and your loved ones, not help you. Look at your beliefs and separate the helping beliefs from your hurting beliefs. Accepting your beliefs can get in the way of seeing events for what they are. Maybe your values are 200 years out of date? Is your foreground connected to your background? In any given situation ask yourself what you want to see happen.
In a relationship it is important to be agreeable, considerate, and cordial. When you delay making choices to improve your relationship, you are choosing to keep it the same. Untie any emotional knots holding back your personal growth. If you are out of synch with yourself, you will be out of synch in your relationship. If you are married and have children, your children need and deserve the love and provision of their parents. If the family is unhappy, you will be unhappy. The meaning you attribute to life will determine your behavior. Our inner emotions always find ways to be expressed. Shared feelings build trust. Concealed feelings build suspicion and doubt. If you sincerely desire change, be honest with your feelings, open to feedback and be willing to change. And finally, never underestimate the potential and power of the human spirit.
Excerpts taken from “Instant Insights” a collection of 33 valuable insights for men by Hilary Valdez available on Amazon/Kindle.
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Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email (InstantInsights@hotmail.com). Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
