(Hilary Valdez)
I heard that a man’s smile and confidence is in proportion to his paycheck. But what happens when a person loses their job, or a relationship ends? Self-confidence can be like a gas tank; in the morning you start out full. Then, with a smile on your face you open the front door and charge out into the day. Then little-by-little life chips away at your image armor and small pieces of your confidence diminish. Similar to the mimosa pudica plant, which is also called the sensitive plant, because its leaves fold up when touched or shaken, human beings are not that different. Some people fold up when their confidence is shaken. But self-confidence is about how you evaluate yourself.
People are sensitive; they fold up or close down when work or family situations turn sour.
Self-confidence regardless of the situation is about your attitude toward yourself, your skills and abilities. Life skills pay the bills. When you have skills, you have the ability to bounce back from an unpleasant situation and march on. This is resilience. Don’t wait until the count of 10 to bounce back on your feet. My mom would shout to me “What’s wrong with you? Are you made out of sugar?” Her New York attitude always won the day. Having control of your life is a mark of self-confidence.
Self-confidence can fluctuate with time due to revolving friendships, jobs, moving, relationships and the struggle of life itself. Your worst critic is your inner voice and what you are telling yourself, about yourself. What are you expecting of yourself? What are your professional expectations for yourself? How self-critical are you of yourself? Do you doubt your skills, knowledge and abilities? If you’re running on empty, your mood, thinking, motivation and behavior will be affected, negatively. You’ll probably sit on the couch brooding saying, “Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.” That’s not gonna help. The key here is to not to over focus on your past success. Life is a series of stages. Stay positive and embrace the change and move forward with your present skills while developing one new skill. Adapt. Overcome. Survive. Take off the beer goggles so you can see clearly. If you think positive, you act positive.
How to increase your self-confidence. First take a serious inventory of yourself. What do you think of yourself? Are you taking care of yourself? What steps need to be done to improve? Are you stuck on the corner of walk and don’t walk? Are you in an emotional straitjacket? What can you do? What do you need? 1. Stop feeling so much. Don’t fight where you’re at. Don’t feed it. Fix it. 2. Start thinking. Your vulnerability is a psychological state. Information empowers you. 3. Reduce your anger, depression, and self-pity. 4. Get informed, conduct an assessment of yourself, the situation and make a plan. Your perception determines your behavior. 5. Identify your character strengths and over come self-defeating challenges to your self-confidence. Hunt for the good stuff in your life to counter the negative events and create positive emotions and analyze what is good. What is changeable and what can you control?
Human events have consequences on our self-confidence. It takes strength to deal with difficulties. No strength equals failure. If your judge yourself, then you sentence yourself. Then it’s difficult to predict the severity of your self-judgment. Make a list of your judgments. Embrace today. Be compassionate with yourself. Accept yourself, then improve and move forward. Have a good orderly direction. Focus on solutions, positives, and possibilities. Don’t doubt yourself. Most of all, don’t give yourself bad information. You can begin again.
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Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email (InstantInsights@hotmail.com). Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
