(Hilary Valdez)
Sometimes staying positive is challenging, but being miserable is a choice. When I was younger, I was on a Greyhound Bus, pondering my future on my way to Chicago listening to my portable radio. I learned that people produce about 50-70 thousand thoughts a day, and a majority of our thoughts are the same as we had yesterday. As I searched for nirvana gazing at the passing scenery, that meant I was having roughly 40,000 negative thoughts a day. I got depressed thinking about all of this. Luckily, the bus stopped at a restaurant, and I bought a bag of donuts. All that thinking, was affecting my feelings and my heart.
Tenth grade was going to be a challenge. I decided I needed mental strength training. I wanted to minimize my fears about high school and the world. My mom said I needed to reduce my doubt and worries about my future. I glanced at the hippies on the bus, they seemed so happy, I couldn’t figure it out. I decided I wanted to be happy too, munching on a jelly donut. I needed to boost my confidence and set some new manageable goals while reducing my judgments. Negative judgments and being negative can hold me back, it can lead to becoming overcritical. Changing my direction in life meant developing a constructive philosophy about my life, my adversities, desires and preferences.
Driving through the Wyoming wilderness, I thought it is easy to become, lost in life, confused, unsure, unclear and perplexed about our goals in life. What do people in Wyoming do, I asked myself? Suddenly a hippie with long hair shouted, lets make another goal! “Let’s go to South Dakota a female Hippie with ribbons in her hair shouted,” as the group cheered. I questioned is life is a series of goal accomplishments. Accomplish one goal, then make another goal? I pondered as white powdered sugar from my donut dusted my shirt.
I closed my eyes and put the earplug attached to a white cord in my ear and continued listening to the radio. The Christian talk show preacher was talking about mid-life crises and how retirement can prove emotionally upsetting. He said where you are on the spectrum of life is seen through our own generational lens. I didn’t understand what he was saying, my reality was about vacuum tubes, carbon copies, mimeograph machines, ditto machines or spirit duplicator, and three television channels. I was living the dream of technology.
I changed the radio station; I could only get two stations. A self-help guy was talking, he was Dr. Albert Ellis and he said the common beliefs preventing us from leading and anxiety free life are: I should be completely competent and achieving in all ways to be a worthwhile person; It is awful and upsetting when things are not the way I would like them to be; If something unpleasant might happen, I should keep dwelling on it; because something once strongly affected my life, it will do so indefinitely; there is always a perfect solution to human problems and it is awful if a solution is not found; I must be I must be loved and approved by almost every significant other person in my life.
I said to myself, that doesn’t make sense. As I munched my way to nirvana, I thought his key point is to understand myself, my thoughts, emotions and behavior. My inner life was affecting my happiness. My older sister had recently married and moved to Chicago. I was sad on this trip and was paying attention to only negative things in me and my past hurts. I was getting stuck in past sorrows and suffering. It’s taking me time to discover what I am and live what I am.
Suddenly one of the hippies shouted to his friend, “Hey! That’s a negative thought! Now think of two positive thoughts!” Hmph, that’s a good idea I thought, sipping my Tab diet soda, listening to their conversation. Another hippie chimed in holding her guitar: “Examine your irrational and self-defeating thinking. Start thinking more rational and self-constructive thoughts.” She smiled, strumming the guitar strings.
Staring out the window at the rural countryside I asked myself, “Where is everybody?” There were acres of wheat and barley growing. I foolishly thought that I would see Native American tribes such as the Cheyenne, Crow and Arapaho herding the grazing cattle. Suddenly a hippie looked over at me and asked loudly, “Hey fat boy, you look so sad. What’s bothering you?” That pushed my anger button. His behavior bothered me.
The hippie with the guitar strummed the strings and melodically chimed in, “Live your script, chubby. Technology is changing and generational issues are important for a harmonious work force.” Suddenly the bus driver interrupted and over the PA system announcing, “Cheyenne in 15 minutes.”
Suddenly another female suggested, “Come on! Let’s go to South Dakota, they’re having a ‘Peace In’.” Then an older Hippie said “Peace out kid, don’t make yourself miserable. Live your script. Let your inner self ooze out. Just be you.” He suggested handing me a small cigarette. “No thanks, I don’t smoke,” I replied as the group laughed at me. Why are they laughing I wondered, looking out the window, then selected a chocolate donut.
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Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email (InstantInsights@hotmail.com). Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
