Mental Notes with Hilary Valdez: Modern masculinity

Mental Notes with Hilary Valdez: Modern masculinity

by Hilary Valdez
Stripes Japan

In a relationship, a guy needs to take an emotional leadership role. Sensitivity helps a man to be friends with his mate and be an effective father. But sensitivity is not feminine; it’s emotional health.

Each person needs emotional fulfillment. Your ability to express yourself is the best way to start, strengthen, and maintain your relationship. Discuss day-to-day problems and resolve them one at a time. This is where emotional leadership comes into play. Guy sense is knowing what effect you have on your mate, and knowing what you sound like, and being careful with what comes out of your mouth. Don’t act like a rock. What qualities are important to you as a man and a father? To make the best of a relationship, be the best you can be.

Do you communicate honestly and spontaneously with your mate? Do you freely discuss your intentions, ideas, and actions? Do you discuss values and beliefs? Guys who talk more, live longer because they are not bottled up inside. They are not tied in emotional knots. Times are changing. The old symbols for manliness don’t fit the new millennium. The more a guy identifies with the “old fashioned” traditional male stereotypes, the more psychological challenges he may have.

Each guy needs to examine fixed beliefs from childhood that keep him stuck in obsolete social behaviors. What is your true self? De-brief yourself. Being strong, silent competitive and emotionally restrictive can give you a heart attack, especially if a guy is narrowly defined with traditional ideas about masculinity.

People are at different levels of psychological awareness, intelligence, mental health, emotional maturity, and consciousness. Recognize where your mate is functioning or hurting emotionally. Key into her needs and life. Help her out; meet her needs her way. Be considerate of her feelings. Be humble once in a while. Be interested in your wife or girlfriend; appreciate your differences. Praise your partner, compliment her; be less demanding or threatening. The more you regard the feelings of your mate, the more harmony you can create. A man needs balanced strength. If you are out of synch with yourself, you will be out of synch in your relationship. Ask yourself: What are my strengths and what needs to be strengthened? What kind of a life do I want? What is my vision for myself, my relationship, and children?

Unfortunately, not every little boy had a father or father figure who was a role model for manliness. This results in male pain. This pain often expresses itself in anger, a form of spouse or child abuse, or self-abuse. Identify your male pain. Own it. Work through it, then let it go. Don’t bury your pain in a glass coffin for everyone to see. Accept your father as he was. Look for the positive in him. Then grow into a natural man, the real you; this takes practice. Conduct a self-inventory and separate your observations from your opinions and your opinions from your feelings. To cope with today’s world, a guy needs to be life smart, street smart, people smart, book smart and system smart.

At times it’s not what you do, but what you don’t do that gets a guy into trouble. Here is a script of one-liners to use to ease the tension on potentially explosive domestic moments:

  • “Honey, I’ll do it.”
  • “Please let me help.”
  • “Let’s do it your way.”
  • “What can I do to help?”
  • “What else can I do?”
  • “Let’s do it together.”
  • “I like your idea.”
  • “That makes good sense.”
  • “That’s okay, I don’t mind waiting. Take your time.”
  • “Why don’t you choose?”
  • “I’d love to!”
  • “How can I meet your needs?”
  • “You lead and I’ll follow.”
  • “I’m on my way.”
  • “Take them both-don’t choose just one.”
  • “I still love you.”
  • “I’ll take care of it.”
  • “Please forgive me.”
  • “I was wrong.”
  • “I didn’t make the best choice.”
  • “Are you happy?”
  • “I’ll do it today, you rest.”
  • “Let me cook this time.”
  • “Relax, I’ll take care of everything.”
  • “We can do this.”
  • “Let’s kiss and make up.”
  • “We’re getting better every day in every way.”
  • “I’ll wash them.”

Hilary Valdez is a retiree living in Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at the website or email. Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.


Subscribe to our Stripes Pacific newsletter and receive amazing travel stories, great event info, cultural information, interesting lifestyle articles and more directly in your inbox!

Follow us on social media!

Facebook: Stars and Stripes Pacific
Flipboard: Stars and Stripes Community Sites

Looking to travel while stationed abroad? Check out our other Pacific community sites!
Stripes Okinawa
Stripes Korea
Stripes Guam

Related Content

Recommended Content

Around the Web